MIAMI --
Staff Sgt. Phillip Steffen wanted to attend Air Force Reserve Yellow
Ribbon Reintegration Program training with his wife prior to a 2014 overseas
deployment, but time wouldn't allow it.
"Looking
back I know it would have helped prepare me and the kids for what we went
through," said Jamie Steffen during post-deployment Yellow Ribbon training
Feb. 21 in Miami.
Yellow
Ribbon aims to help maintain resiliency during all stages of a deployment for reservists
and their loved ones. The program is a series of events designed to provide
members and their loved ones with resources prior to departure, a level of
stability and support while the reservist is away and successful reintegration
techniques after the deployment ends.
Steffen,
assistant noncommissioned officer in charge of the structures shop at the 434th
Civil Engineering Squadron at Grissom Air Reserve Base, Indiana, found out his
wife was pregnant with their fourth child before he was scheduled to deploy.
"We
thought it was perfect timing since I would be around 36 weeks when he was
supposed to come home," said Jamie. "The baby had other ideas."
The
deployment to Southwest Asia was the first for Steffen, who served on active duty prior
to becoming a reservist.
"We
had great support through our church, my parents, and Phil's parents, but it
was just one thing after another until he came home," said Jamie.
"The first few days he was gone our house was full of smoke and 54 degrees
because we needed to have our chimney cleaned."
While
Yellow Ribbon couldn't help with that, it may have shed light on how the
children reacted to their father’s absence.
"Our
children are normally well behaved, so I never expected them to act out like
they did," said Jamie. "They fought a lot and I would wake up to find
piles of snack food wrappers all over the floor. One morning I woke up to Ryan
standing by my bed saying 'Here, mom' with his hands full of hair... Lizzie
decided to cut her own hair. So I walked out of the bedroom and there's clear
plastic wrap, aluminum foil, and soap all over the house, and Lizzie standing
in the kitchen with chunks of hair missing."
Jamie
had a panic attack upon seeing that, went back to her room and called her
mother-in-law for help. Jamie said one thing that helped the family cope was
focusing on the positives, such as getting to video chat with Steffen almost
every day, and encouraging the kids to talk about what they were feeling.
"Ryan
always talked about missing daddy, but one day I asked Lizzie, who is normally
very reserved, if she missed him and she said 'It's not OK to miss daddy' and
we both cried," said Jamie. "I told her it's OK to miss daddy, I miss
him. Then we made a 'daddy pillow' which was a body pillow made out of Phillip's
T-shirts and we all took turns sleeping with it."
Jamie
said they had to schedule time with the pillow because all the children wanted
it, but it helped the time pass.
While
that was difficult, Jamie said the worst was yet to come. The week before Steffen
was scheduled to come home, Jamie and the children went on vacation with his
family. That weekend Jamie started having intense cramps.
"The
children kept coming up to me and asking 'Mommy, are you OK?' because I was
curled up from the pain just crying," said Jamie.
She
said she was in and out of the hospital and on several medications for a few
days trying to halt the labor.
"I
was only (at) 36 weeks and Phil was supposed to come home on Tuesday,"
said Jamie. "I kept telling all the nurses I can't have this baby now, my
husband is on his way home from deployment."
When
Steffen's plane left the Middle East, the medications had halted the labor, but
by the time he landed in Ireland, Nyla Mae had been born via Caesarean section.
"I
was just happy everything was OK,” he said. “I told all the guys and they
bought me a beer. I wish I could have been there, but I knew I would be with
them soon."
In
the meantime Nyla had issues with her blood sugar and breathing.
"I
kept thinking my worst nightmare was coming true," said Jamie. "Nyla
was born just over 5 pounds and had some complications. When Phil finally got
home 25 hours later, she was in the neonatal intensive care unit waiting for
her daddy."
Jamie’s
mother brought the children to the hospital to meet their new sister having no
idea their father was there as well.
"The
next few months were an adjustment for everyone," said Steffen. "I
came home and Jamie wasn't moving around yet, Nyla didn't come home for another
nine days, and daddy brought down the hammer not letting the kids get away with
what mommy did."
The
Steffens attended their first post-deployment Yellow Ribbon event in December 2014,
five months after the sergeant’s return. The Miami event Feb. 20-22 was their second
and final for this deployment.
"I
still have to tell the kids I'll be home for supper before I leave for
work," said Steffen. “But the event we went to really helped us come
together after all we had just been through."
Jamie
said anyone scheduled to deploy should take advantage of Yellow Ribbon events
to prepare their family for what is going to happen, to know what resources are
available during the deployment, and then to heal afterward during the
re-integration process.
"Nyla
Mae is happy and healthy, which I'm thankful for," said Jamie. "While
I would never want to go through all that again, I truly believe our family is stronger
because of it."