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Reservists cope with family separation during holidays

  • Published
  • By Senior Master Sgt. Sandi Michon
  • 439th Airlift Wing Public Affairs
WESTOVER AIR RESERVE BASE, Mass. --  Eight-year-old Elizabeth Maguire kisses her daddy's picture on her pillowcase every night before she goes to sleep and she wears his shirts around the house. In October, she had to settle for talking to her father on the phone while she opened his birthday present for her.

That's just a few of the sacrifices little Elizabeth makes while her father is deployed with the 42nd Aerial Port Squadron halfway around the world until early next year.

Master Sgt. Timothy B. Maguire, his wife Kathleen, and their three children showcase the hardships of family separation felt by the more than 50 aerial porters deployed to Bagram Air Base, Afghanistan, through the holidays.

The close-knit Maguires, who have been married for 17 years, agree that the holidays are the hardest time for coping.

"We are so traditional. It's such a big deal to us; I don't think I can pull the traditions off without him," said Mrs. Maguire. "He loves hosting Thanksgiving and takes pride in making the ultimate Christmas Eve feast. I organize everything, but he runs the kitchen."

Thanksgiving was very quiet this year, and Mrs. Maguire plans to take the kids to California to visit her brother the week of Christmas.

"Celebrating my brother's holiday traditions will take our minds off missing our own," she said.

Creative thinking is key to making holiday adjustments and also to coping with everyday life. A "veteran" from two previous deployments, Mrs. Maguire says deployments tend to follow a pattern.

"The first month is adjusting roles and figuring out how to get things done, the middle months tend to be status quo in the busyness, and the final month is anticipation and excitement while planning welcome-home activities," she said

Mrs. Maguire added that it takes another month for readjustments to family life once her husband returns home.

Sergeant Maguire has high praise for his wife's support and says she has the more difficult role. He describes his duty in Afghanistan on 13-hour shifts as ramp supervisor, six days a week, with a few hours for eating, reading and working out, then "crashing" in his little plywood B-hut for badly-needed sleep.

"With very few entertainment options and no off-base access, it's like the 'Groundhog Day' movie every day," he said. "My wife is the one juggling her role and mine with home, work and all the kids' activities."

By the third deployment, Mrs. Maguire has learned it's OK not to get everything done.

"The pace is so unbelievably fast. I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants with everything," said Mrs. Maguire, a fifth-grade teacher.

She said her father helps with yard jobs, her mom helps with chores, and the kids try to pick up the slack.

"When Tim is home, we are a team. We are best friends. Every day, I miss him so much," she said. Family, church and friends have been a major support system to the family. They are on a prayer list at St. Peter's Church in Saratoga Springs.

"The church mails cards to Tim and his unit, and my 5th-grade class writes to the Soldiers and sends care packages."

Sergeant Maguire said he started to miss his family the minute he got on the plane.

"I miss the soccer games, the cheerleading competitions, making faces in their plates with the eggs and sausages during Sunday morning family breakfast, and their Sunday family day activities," he said. "It was always our day to connect."

"I wish Dad had been in the stands when we won our grand champions cheerleading competition," said Jessica, the Maguire's eldest child.

The 15-year old and her father e-mail each other twice a week to catch up with each other.

"I tell him what's going on with me, and he tells me about his job," she said. "He tells me to do my best and that he's proud of me. I miss watching ESPN with him and having him explain football to me."

Jessica may not be watching ESPN with her father, but she saw her father on ESPN in November when he was the spokesman for the 42nd Aerial Port segment shown during the Army/Air Force game aired Nov. 3.

"I'm very proud of my dad. Not a lot of people, like, want to go overseas. It takes a lot of courage," Jessica said. "I admire that."

Eleven-year-old Andrew misses his father a lot because now he's the only guy left in the house. According to his mom, he's working hard to fill in as "man-of-the-house." Andrew said he talks to his dad on the phone a couple times a week but misses playing basketball, playing tag, or going for walks with him.

"My dad tells me how much he cares about me, but I can't think about him too much so I don't break down in tears," Andrew said.

Sergeant Maguire tries to stay upbeat and sends pictures so his family can relate to where he is and what he does.

"I want them to make a connection and feel a part of it," he said.

As the unit deployment monitor for his Air Force Reserve Command unit, Sergeant Maguire works hard with his "military family" overseas.

"Friends and family are sending holiday stuff already," he said. "We want to make it as festive as possible to ease the separation."

Sergeant Maguire laughed when asked what he wanted to do first when he got home - indicating what would be the obvious answer for any husband away from his wife for months.

He finally said, "Have a nice, cold beer and a good meal."

Little Elizabeth is proud that her dad is "serving our country and keeping our family safe."

She knows exactly what she wants to do when she first sees her dad again. "I'm going to run up to him - and he'll catch me - and he'll know how much I miss him," she said. (AFRC News Service)